Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
