Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
