This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
two words...techno handjob
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
