I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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