I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
