Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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