the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
