So drunk, too bad you don't want this
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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