i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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