There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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