i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
