Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
