i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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