I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I still have a little drunk in my system
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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