I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
