She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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