WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
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We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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