Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
