it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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