i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
