One girl and one boy is just not enough.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
