Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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