new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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