Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
