my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
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judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
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We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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