there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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