Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
