god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
