The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
