forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
