3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Welp...herpes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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