She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
