she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
