why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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