I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
