I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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