A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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