pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
