New invention idea: vibrating tampons
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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