i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
