Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
