i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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