i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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