you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
