Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
