He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have fence marks all over my body
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
