Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Randomize
