this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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