There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Mom said you looked used
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
