why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
