i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
