In the future we'll all be gay
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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