What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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