Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
