Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
