best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
