i think my mom watched the whole time
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize