Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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