stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
