Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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