You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
