I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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