Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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