Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
