I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
