I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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