I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I think i got beer on your cat.
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