hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
