Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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