He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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