So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
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some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
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I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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