I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
