is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
