the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
