If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
