I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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