dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
