DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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