I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
