I met the friendliest cop last night
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
