Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
