I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
