....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
