my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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