haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
