She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
