If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
